Spiral Staircase

Irrational
self sabotage
going in vicious
concentric
opposing circles

An irrational need
to fail, to hurt, to hunger
twists around my head
making me dizzy
and nauseous
wanting to vomit
and purge myself
from myself

Irrational
self sabotage
climbing the spiral staircase
two steps at a time
wanting to get to the
bottom as soon
as I can

An irrational fear

that stops

stops dead


I turn around
breathless and scared
the vicious circles stop
the nausea stops
the fear stops
and I start climbing
back up the spiral staircase
right to the top
and I don't look down.